Our Adoption Journey: Part 1

On December 1st I decided my company, Lux Divine, needed to partner up with a local charitable organization to support. I was feeling super down about not being active in being part of the “solution”.
I was fed up with the superficial daily soul suckingness(that’s a word right?) from the fashion industry and literally said “I am not saving the world over here, one bracelet at a time. I am not doing anything to help anyone.” I needed to do something so I decided to sponsor a cause that was close to my heart. I love children so I felt called to contribute to an organization that advocated for the ones who can’t do it for themselves.  I stumbled across an amazing non-profit organization that helps older children, who have little to no chance of adoption, find loving forever homes. I immediately connected to the director and after a two hour conversation, I knew we had to do this too. My husband was surprisingly on board, no questions asked.
While this may seem impulsive, it really isn’t. Adoption has been an 8 year long conversation between my husband and myself. After several miscarriages in 2010/2011, we decided we wanted to build our family through adoption… only one problem. We were not married for the mandatory 3 years. We instead underwent IVF and by the good Graces of God, he blessed us with my beautiful, darling boy, Koa. We planned on revisiting adoption after his birth but I became pregnant, naturally, 6 months later… oops:)
Now that our youngest, Willamina, is no longer a baby.. we felt ready to add another blessing to our home. I know, we are crazy! 3 kids and adding one more… This time, through adoption.
Why do we want to adopt?
Short answer: God, long answer: I could never fully explain. There is no one answer I can give you. There are 20 million reasons why. But that is like asking a woman why she wants to be a mother. It’s what we were born and programed to do. It’s our natural purpose. We simply can’t help it. Some of us were blessed with bigger mothering hearts than others. My heart has room for one more and it does not matter to me whether she came from my womb or that of another. I don’t need to hold her newborn self and experience those first steps. My heart does not require me to breastfeed her for a tight bond. breastfeeding doesn’t make a mother and child. While a part of me will always mourn the years that I didn’t get to watch her grow, I am so grateful that we found her at all. I will love her at any age.
We are not adopting “some child”. We will not be waiting to be matched… we matched ourselves to adopt a specific child, not a baby…. An older child. One that tugged at our heart-strings. One that almost just fell into our laps. I can’t give you a reason why, we just felt she was meant to be ours. I can’t explain love at first sight…can you?
“Penelope” is 8 years old, in Colombia, has been through a lot and just needs a loving home. Those are the only details I will give out at this time about her. I want to share our story to inspire others to perhaps do the same but also want to be careful to not tell HER story. It’s not mine to tell. So…we will honor her past by keeping that private. Honor her family and never speak ill of them. Love her whole-heartily with every beat of our hearts just because she needs someone to. God gave us the grace to say yes when there really are so many fear based reasons to say no. We won’t be saving the world by adopting just one child, but we will be opening up her whole world. After reading her files, and being made aware of her strength and bravery, I knew I had to meet this little girl who is just wise beyond her years and literally her own hero. She is brilliant. I knew we would be a good fit because our interests align completely. Her main passion is jewelry… like what?!!! Purely kismet.
Adoption is a rollercoaster and many times we wanted off the ride. Every aspect of your life is judged, every thing in your past brought up…even if it isn’t so pretty. Dozens and dozens of people need to say we are good enough. I feel I am someone with confidence and great self esteem, not much can knock me down. I have drive like none other but even this process is breaking me at times. I hate feeling helpless… the waiting is hard. To anyone on this adoption road… I know its hard, oh so hard… but it will be worth it. Just take it one document at a time! Someone is counting on you. Don’t give up! If you are interested in adoption, maybe you could consider an older child adoption which is just as beautiful as adopting a baby. 
There is much sadness in adoption… these children need homes for a reason. While we are so excited to bring her home, we also mourn for her pain. We want to do the best thing for her which is to finish this adoption as quickly as possible. What is holding us back now is the adoption fees. This adoption is going to cost us 45k minimum. We didn’t plan for this…it just happened. A this point, there is discussions of selling our home to make this happen. This would be a big blow for our family. We need God to move this mountain for us. So everyday, we rise with hope that somehow, he will pull through. God has been here with us every step of the way. He has broken chains, torn down fences and has physically shown us that this is the path he wants us on. We cannot do this alone so we ask our friends and family to say a prayer for our family during time of transition.
We have launched a collection dedicated to the funding of our adoption. While our amazing friend has started a go fund me to support our adoption, we prefer to earn the money rather just being given funds.
The link for our adoption collection: